Dating as a single parent, at a pace that suits your family

Can you date as a single parent?

Of course you can. Being a parent doesn't stop you wanting company, affection or someone to laugh with after a long week. Wanting those things doesn't make you any less of a parent.

What changes is the pace. You have less spare time, more to think about, and someone else's feelings to protect. That's a good reason to go slowly, and a slow start often suits people getting back in the water after a break-up anyway.

Finding the time

The trick is to fit dating around family life, rather than the other way round. Most single parents find small, regular windows easier than big nights out.

Ideas that tend to work:

• Chatting in the evening. Messaging once the children are in bed lets you get to know someone without arranging anything.
• Daytime dates. A coffee or a walk while the children are at school or nursery.
• Lunch breaks. An hour is a perfectly good first date, and it has a natural end.
• Their other parent's time. If your children spend some evenings or weekends with their other parent, those can become your dating time.
• A video call first. It's a quick way to see if you get on before you sort out childcare.

Be realistic about how often you can meet, and say so early. Anyone worth your time will understand that bedtime isn't negotiable.

Saying so on your profile

Say you have children. It's the single most useful thing you can put on a single parent's profile, because it means the people who get in touch are open to it from the start. There is a profile field for whether you have children, and a line in your own words helps too.

Example: "Mum of two, so my weekends are busy, but my Thursday evenings are free and I make a very good cup of tea."

Example: "Dad to a football-mad ten-year-old. Looking for someone kind, with a sense of humour and some patience for touchline weather."

What to leave out, for your children's privacy and safety:

• photos of your children, including ones where they're in the background;
• their names, exact ages and birthdays;
• the name of their school, club or nursery, and photos in school uniform;
• details of your routine that would show when the house is empty.

Our profile tips have more on writing a profile that sounds like you, and first messages has openers that get a reply.

First dates around childcare

Plan the date around the childcare, not the other way round. Keep first dates short and local so you're not watching the clock or paying a babysitter for hours of awkward small talk.

1. Book childcare you trust. A family member, a friend or a regular sitter. Don't rush into a new arrangement just for a date.
2. Meet somewhere public. A café, a pub, a park or a walk. Our outdoor date ideas has suggestions that suit daytime.
3. Get yourself there and back. Don't let a date pick you up from home while you're still getting to know each other.
4. Tell a friend where you'll be. The usual safety basics apply; our safety page covers them.
5. Keep your phone on. It's fine to say at the start that you might need to answer if the sitter rings.

If it's been a long time since your last first date, our guide to your first date in years may help with the nerves.

When to introduce a new partner to your children

Wait until the relationship feels steady and likely to last before your children meet a new partner. For many parents that means several months. Children can grow attached quickly, and a run of new faces can be unsettling, especially after a separation.

Signs it may be the right time:

• You've been together for a while and talk about the future.
• You've met their friends, and ideally they've met yours.
• Your children seem settled in themselves.
• You've talked with your partner about how they see their role.

How to go about it:

1. Tell your children first, in words that suit their age. Keep it simple: "I've got a friend I'd like you to meet."
2. Keep the first meeting short and casual. A trip to the park or a pizza works better than a big day out.
3. Choose familiar ground, somewhere your children feel at ease.
4. Don't expect too much. Your children may be shy, cross or not bothered at all. All of that is normal.
5. Go at your children's pace. Build up slowly before any overnight stays or holidays together.

The NSPCC has advice on supporting children through separation or divorce, including how to talk to them about changes in the family.

The other parent

You don't need your ex's permission to date, but it helps to think about how they'll find out. If a new partner is going to meet your children, it's usually kinder to tell their other parent first, so they hear it from you rather than from the children.

Keep it short and calm:

Example: "I wanted you to know I've been seeing someone for a while. They'll be meeting the children soon, and I'll keep it low key."

Keep to any arrangements you have in place for your children. If you need to change them, GOV.UK explains how to make child arrangements when parents separate. Try not to talk about your ex in front of your new partner or your children in ways you wouldn't want repeated.

Keeping children safe

Most people you meet are just people, but as a parent you're right to take care. Get to know someone well before they spend time with your children, and never leave your children alone with someone you've only recently met.

Warning signs to take seriously:

• someone who seems more interested in your children than in you;
• pressure to meet your children early, or offers to babysit before you know them well;
• questions about your children's routines, school or bedtimes that feel too detailed;
• someone who wants to be alone with your children or buys them expensive gifts early on.

If you're worried about someone, you can ask. In England and Wales, the Child Sex Offender Disclosure Scheme lets you ask the police whether a person who has contact with your child has a record of child sexual offences (GOV.UK guidance). Scotland has the Sex Offender Community Disclosure Scheme. In any part of the UK you can contact the police on 101, or 999 in an emergency.

The NSPCC Helpline gives advice to any adult worried about a child on 0808 800 5000. Scams are a risk too: our guide to romance scams explains the common warning signs.

Support for single parents

You don't have to work all of this out alone. Gingerbread, the charity for single parent families, has information and advice on everything from money to co-parenting. The NSPCC's advice on separation and divorce covers parents' rights and responsibilities. If you've recently separated, our guide to dating after divorce covers how to tell if you're ready.

How Fish For Singles works

Fish For Singles is dating for anyone starting again after a break-up, a divorce or a long while on their own, and single parents are very welcome. Joining, creating a profile and browsing are free, so you can dip a toe in during a quiet evening. Reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership; see prices for the current options. Profiles are shared with partner sites in the same network, so some people you see will have joined elsewhere.