Why a video call before you meet is worth it

Why it's worth ten minutes

A video call before a first date answers the questions messages can't. Does this person look like their photos? Do they sound like the person you've been chatting to? Is there any spark, or at least an easy conversation?

For anyone dating again after a long time, it does something else too: it takes the edge off the nerves. By the time you meet, you've already heard their laugh and seen their kitchen. The date feels like a second meeting rather than a leap off the end of the pier.

It's also one of the simplest safety checks there is. People running fake profiles tend to avoid video, so a willing, relaxed call is a good sign. It isn't proof on its own, and we'll come to why, but it filters out a lot.

How to suggest one

Put it as something that helps you both, not a hoop to jump through. Suggest a day and a short time slot so it feels light.

Example: "I'm enjoying chatting. Before we meet, fancy a quick video call one evening this week? Ten minutes, just to say hello properly."

Example: "I like to do a short video call before a first date, it makes meeting less nerve-racking. Would Thursday around 7 work?"

If they suggest it first, even better. If they hesitate, give them a day or two. Some people are camera-shy, especially if it's been a while.

Setting up the call

A few small choices make the call easier and keep your details private:

• Use an app you already know. Most phones come with one. You don't need to download anything new because a match asks you to.
• Think about your number. Some apps show your phone number or username. If you'd rather keep that private for now, choose an option that doesn't, or wait until you've met.
• Pick a plain background. Avoid anything that shows your address, your children's school uniform, post on the table or a view someone could recognise.
• Check your light. Sit facing a window or a lamp rather than with it behind you. You'll look like you, which is the point.
• Keep it short. Ten to twenty minutes is plenty. End while it's going well.

What to talk about

You're not filming a documentary. Talk the way you would over a coffee:

• Something from their profile you liked or wanted to ask about.
• What a good weekend looks like for each of you.
• Where you might meet, and what sort of first date you'd both enjoy. Our outdoor first date ideas might help.
• One light question about why they're dating now, if it comes up naturally.

Leave the heavier stuff for later. You don't need to cover your divorce, your ex or your finances on a first call. Our guide on what to say about your past has short, honest lines if it does come up.

Warning signs on, or around, the call

Most people you'll speak to are exactly who they say they are. These are the signs that suggest otherwise:

Report Fraud suggests checking a match's photos with a reverse image search, such as Google image search or TinEye, to see if they appear elsewhere under another name.

Why a call isn't proof on its own

Technology has caught up with the video call. Get Safe Online warns that AI tools can now run video calls that are virtually impossible to tell from a real person. So a call makes a fake profile less likely, but it doesn't settle the question.

That's why the old rules still matter more than any single check:

1. Take your time. Treat people as you would if meeting in person, by asking questions and not rushing.
2. Never send money, vouchers or crypto to someone you haven't met, however sad or urgent the story. Report Fraud is very clear on this.
3. Be wary of secrecy. Anyone who asks you to keep the relationship to yourself is a concern.
4. Get a second opinion. Tell a friend about the person you're talking to.

Our full guide to spotting a romance scam explains the stories scammers tell and what to do if money has already changed hands.

Intimate images

Get Safe Online advises against sending intimate photos or videos to someone you haven't met. Some scammers record video calls or ask for images and then threaten to share them unless they're paid. If that happens, stop replying, don't pay, keep the evidence and report it. StopNCII.org is a free tool that can help stop intimate images being shared on many platforms.

Where to report

If you think someone is trying to scam you:

• England, Wales and Northern Ireland: Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040, or online.
• Scotland: Police Scotland on 101.
• In an emergency: 999.

Report the profile to the members area too, from the person's profile, so it can be looked at. Victim Support offers free, confidential help in England and Wales.

After the call

If it went well, suggest a first date while the conversation is warm: somewhere public, in daylight if you prefer, and easy to leave. Tell a friend where you're going, arrange your own travel and keep your phone charged. Our guides to your first date in years and the safety page cover the day itself.

If it didn't feel right, you don't owe anyone a second call. A short, kind message is enough.

Example: "Thanks for the chat this evening. I don't think we're quite the right match, but I wish you well."

How Fish For Singles fits

Fish For Singles is dating for anyone starting again. Every photo is reviewed before it goes live, and members can add an optional ID check to get an ID-checked badge, so you can see who has. What members write about themselves isn't checked, which is one more reason a short video call is worth it. Joining and browsing are free; reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership, explained on how it works.