Online dating when you're out of practice

How online dating works now

Online dating is mostly four steps: you make a profile, you look at other people's, you message the ones you like, and, if it goes well, you meet. That's it. Everything else is detail.

A profile is a short page about you: a few photos, some basic facts such as age and where you live, and a few lines in your own words. Browsing means looking through other members' profiles, usually with a search for age and distance. Messaging happens inside the site, so you don't need to give out your number or email until you're ready.

On Fish For Singles, joining, making a profile and browsing are free. Reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership. Our how it works page covers the detail, including the fact that profiles are shared with partner sites in the same network.

Words you'll come across

A few terms have arrived since many people were last single. Here's what they mean:

Sites and swiping apps

Swiping apps show you one photo at a time and ask for a quick yes or no. They can be fast and fun, and they can also feel like speed-reading people. Dating sites tend to show fuller profiles you can read at your own pace before you say anything.

If you're out of practice, a slower pace usually helps. You can see who's about, get a feel for how people write, and only message when someone genuinely interests you.

Setting up safely

A few minutes of setup now saves a lot of bother later.

1. Use a strong, separate password. The National Cyber Security Centre suggests three random words joined together, and a different password from your email. A password manager is fine too.
2. Use an email address you check. That's where account messages and password resets go.
3. Choose recent photos. Clear, natural, taken in the last year or two. Every photo on Fish For Singles is reviewed before it goes live.
4. Leave out identifying details. No surname, street, workplace or children's school, and no photos that show your house number or car registration.
5. Write a few honest lines. Our profile tips show how.

Reading other people's profiles

A profile tells you a lot if you read it slowly. Things that usually suggest a real person who has taken some care:

• Several photos that look like the same person in different places and seasons.
• Specific details, such as a favourite walk, a job described in their own words, or what they did last weekend.
• Consistency between the photos, the age and the text.
• The ID-checked badge. Members can add an optional ID check to their profile, using photo ID and a selfie, and get a badge, so you can see who has.

Things worth a second look: a single glamorous photo, a profile with almost no words, a job that conveniently keeps them abroad, or someone who asks to move to another messaging app straight away. Every photo on Fish For Singles is reviewed before it goes live, but what members write about themselves isn't checked, so use your judgement and report anything that seems wrong. You can report or block a member from their profile.

What's polite now

Online dating has its own manners, and most of them are just ordinary kindness.

• Read the profile before you message. Then mention something from it.
• Keep first messages short. Two to four sentences, ending with an easy question. Our guide to first messages has examples.
• Reply, even to say no. "Thanks for your message, but I don't think we're a match. Good luck" is kind and takes ten seconds.
• Suggest a call before meeting. A short phone or video call is normal now, and nobody will think it odd.
• Don't push for photos or personal details. If someone hesitates, leave it.

Video calls before you meet

A short video call is now a normal step between messaging and meeting. It shows you the person is who their photos say they are, and gives you a feel for whether you get on, without anyone needing a babysitter or a train ticket.

Keep the first one to about fifteen minutes. Sit somewhere with light in front of you, not behind. If someone always has a reason not to video call, take that seriously: it's one of the most common signs of a fake profile.

Keeping your details private

Share your story, not your details, until you've met and trust someone. That means first names only at first, chatting on the site rather than handing over your number straight away, and being careful what your photos give away.

Once you've met and it's going well, you can relax. Until then, a little caution costs nothing.

Scams, and the one rule

The one rule: never send money, gift cards, crypto or bank details to someone you've met online, however long you've been talking and however good the reason. Report Fraud's advice is to get to know the person, not the profile, and to be wary of anyone who asks you to keep them secret.

If you think you're talking to a scammer, stop replying and report the profile to the members help centre. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, report it to Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040. In Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101. Our guide to spotting a romance scam explains the warning signs.

A gentle first-week plan

You don't need to do everything at once. Here's one way to take your first week:

When you're ready to meet, our guide to your first date in years covers what's changed and what hasn't, and our safety page has the basics in one place.

How Fish For Singles fits

Fish For Singles is for anyone starting again, including people who have never dated online before. It's free to join, make a profile and look around from the shallows, so you can get used to it before you spend anything. When you want to read and reply to messages, see prices for the current options.