Dating someone who fishes: early starts, muddy boots and what to expect

The good bits

There are plenty, so start here. Anglers are usually patient, which is useful in a relationship. Most are comfortable outdoors in any weather, and many know a surprising amount about wildlife, rivers and the countryside. They're often practical: good with knots, tools, maps and cooking on a tiny stove.

They're also used to quiet. An angler can sit next to you for an hour without needing to fill the silence, and many find that a relief after the noise of the week. If you like walks, nature and a slower pace, you may find you have more in common than you'd think.

The strange bits

Most of what puzzles non-anglers comes down to the hours, the weather and the kit.

The hours. Fish feed when they feel like it, which is often at dawn, dusk or in the middle of the night. An alarm at 4am on a Saturday is normal for some anglers. They may also come home at midnight, damp and delighted.

Plans that depend on the weather. Sea anglers watch tides and wind. River anglers watch rain and river levels. Carp anglers watch air pressure. Plans can firm up late. That's not unreliability; it's the hobby.

The kit. Rods in the hallway, bait in the fridge (ideally in a sealed box, and it's fair to negotiate this), nets drying in the garden, a car boot that will never be fully empty. Most anglers will happily tell you what each piece is for.

Blank days. A blank is a session where nothing is caught. Sometimes they'll go out for eight hours, catch nothing, and come home perfectly happy. Being outside was the point.

The language. Swims, pegs, bites, runs, blanks, bivvies, feeders, wagglers. You'll pick it up.

Their year, roughly

Most anglers have busy and quiet seasons, and knowing theirs helps you plan. The pattern depends on what they fish for, so treat this as a rough guide and ask them for the real one.

The angling section explains the differences between coarse, sea and fly anglers in more detail.

Talk about fishing time early

The couples who struggle are usually the ones who never talked about it. The angler assumed fishing weekends were a given; the partner assumed they'd stop once things got serious. Neither was unreasonable, but nobody said anything.

A few gentle questions, a few dates in, save a lot of trouble:

• How often do you usually go, and is that every week or seasonal?
• Do you do overnight sessions or trips away?
• Are there times of year that are especially busy, like the start of a season or a regular trip with friends?
• Is fishing your time to be on your own, or would you like company sometimes?

Here's an example of how that might sound in a message, a few dates in: "I'm enjoying this. Can I ask what a normal fishing month looks like for you, so I know which weekends to keep free?" It's direct, friendly, and nobody feels told off.

If you're the angler, be honest. Underplaying how much you fish to seem more available only stores up disappointment.

Sharing it, or not

There's no right answer. Some couples fish together every weekend. Some have one angler and one person who brings a book, a camera or a sketchpad and sits nearby. Some keep fishing completely separate and are very happy that way.

If you're curious, try one short session in good weather at an easy venue, with food and toilets nearby. You don't need a licence just to sit and watch, but if you're 13 or over and want a go on their spare rod in England or Wales, you need your own rod licence; a one-day licence can be bought online beforehand.

Our guide to fishing as a first date is written for exactly this, and it's a useful one to send to the angler in your life before they plan it. If you enjoy it and want more, a lesson with a licensed coach is often better than being taught by a partner; the Angling Trust's Get Fishing map lists coaches and beginner events in England.

If you don't enjoy it, say so kindly. You've tried it, and you understand the appeal a bit better. That's plenty.

Making it fair

A relationship with a big hobby in it works when both people feel their time matters. Some practical ideas couples use:

1. Plan ahead. Agree which weekends are for fishing and which are together, a month or so in advance.
2. Swap. A fishing morning for an afternoon doing something the other person loves.
3. Combine. A trip to the coast where one fishes at dawn and you both have the rest of the day.
4. Protect the other hobby. Make sure the non-angler has their own thing too. Fishing time is also time for them.
5. Keep a no-rods weekend. Every so often, leave the kit at home entirely.

For trips away, read our guide to fishing holidays for couples.

When it isn't really about fishing

Sometimes a hobby becomes a way of avoiding a relationship rather than enjoying one. These are worth noticing, whatever the hobby is:

• Plans with you are always the ones that get cancelled.
• You're never told where they're going or when they'll be back.
• Every attempt to talk about time together ends in an argument.
• They won't introduce you to fishing friends after months together.

One of these on its own may mean nothing. A pattern means it's time for an honest conversation, and if you can't have one, that tells you something too. Our guide to whether sharing a hobby matters looks at this from both sides.

Finding an angler to date

On Fish For Singles, anglers usually say what they fish for and how often in their profiles, which makes these conversations easier from the start. If you're not an angler, say that you're curious, or that you're happy to keep the hobby theirs; both are good starting points. Our profile tips will help you write it.